ISSUES
Charmaine, thinking about her past with men, said, “They are all like that.”
“Well, not my man,” Jessica added, feeling very confident.
“Famous last words of every woman who put all her eggs in her basket,” Renee said sarcastically.
Jessica, disgusted by her sister’s negative attitude, wanted to put her in her place gently when she said, “Women like you who can’t trust anyone drive yourselves crazy. You think everything is a game even when you find a good man. Women like you run the good ones away and end up with shit. Women like you think you have to control a man in order to love a man.”
“Oh, please, Jessica. Do you think that, because you have been with one person for two years, it means he won’t cheat and that he should be trusted? It doesn’t mean he loves you any more. All that means is that you guys are in a comfort zone, and that does not mean love. Think about it — two years, and where are you? Has he proposed marriage? Has he ever suggested that you two move in together? How does he feel about children? When you think about it, all you have is two years. For all you know, James could be with someone else right now.”
Kit tried to stop the bitter word exchange between Jessica and Renee by asking, “Why can’t you two get along for more than five minutes? It is tiring having to listen to you two all the time, with the same thing.”
Renee answered back, “We are just talking.”
“Well, if that’s talking, I’d hate to be around when you are fighting. With all that hate, you guys are going to corrupt the young one,” Charmaine told them.
Tawana smiled and said, “I am taking mental notes, but I do have my own theory about men.”
Renee, being the skeptic that she was, said, “Let me hear the inexperienced take on men.”
Tawana said, “Okay, auntie. I would simply say: judge every man on an individual basis. You ladies have made blanket statements about men all night long. When two people get together, it is always good in the beginning. You should enjoy those times and wait to see how he handles himself in the bad times. I think most men will show you who they are without you even having to guess or ask questions. The problem is we, as women, block out those signs, or we make excuses for them. We seem to think we have superpowers. We all think our love is all that it will take to turn a bad man good. The only person who can change a human being is God. I believe if you show them who you are and how you love, then they will either reciprocate that love or disrespect it. If they give it back twofold, then keep him, but if they take advantage of that love, then, by all means, let it go.”
Me, Myself, and Men
Typical of our situation, as soon as we got back to our separate states the arguments ensued. I didn’t realize that he was really upset that I didn’t have sex with him. I felt offended that he thought that I would want to have sex with him after all the arguing and fighting that we had been doing. Was he thinking that I was that hard up for sex that I would just do it with him? Was he thinking that I was that easy? This went hand-in-hand with my theory that he believed all woman are ruled by the penis. I refused to be ruled by the penis, so if that meant that I would have to do without sex until I find the right person—someone who was going to respect me, love me, and truly want to get to know me—then I would do without the penis. At this point in my life, I could care less about a penis. I learned that sex for me was between my ears—not between my legs. If I felt disrespected by him or anyone, sex was the last thing I was thinking about. I had to self-reflect again. Was I putting something out there that men felt that they could say or do anything to me and that I would still spread my legs for them.